(I'm finally able to post after blogger had been down for God knows how long)

My poor neglected blog. Well, it's my birthday today and when you're nineteen birthdays really don't feel that special anymore. Last year I said the same (replacing "nineteen" with "eighteen" of course), mostly to avoid disappointment and in an attempt to convince myself, writing an entire bunch of words about birthdays and what not. (My friend once said we sometimes write only to convince ourselves and well.. it is the truth sometimes) Now I feel like i don't HAVE to say anything. But I feel like it anyway.

My mom walked into the room and said "happy birthday! You are now a year older!"

I am NOW a year older? All of a sudden you don't know what is so special about this day, i grow not on specific dates but experiences and sometimes you don't even know you've grown until the storm is over and you're now at a new place, and old people remind yourself of how much you've changed.

What is time? I don't know what time is, I believe in changes and aging, but what is time? Those numbers on the clocks, created by men. If we lived in a world without time, but only change and aging, what will be an indicator of me growing up? Not into a 19 year old girl but someone who knows more about the world? Or?

We grow older everyday and everyday should be celebrated, then.

-

Anyway, I was still pleasantly surprised when I heard the doorbell ring, thinking it was my mom. Hugged the pillow, peeped through the peephole and saw a girl (office lady, more like) with a cake in hand. Decorated with turquoise whipped cream and the words 'for emma'. It really reminds me of the disc we received when both of us went for "a game of you" :) Thankyou so much!

And my dearest friend who called while studying for her chemistry papers the next day :D

and all the others who wished me, some more sincere than the rest, when the words 'happy birthday' are the same. Because I feel more close to you. I feel slight discomfort when someone i don't really know well wishes me on facebook, for i wouldn't care to do the same to anyone anymore. Or should I appreciate the fact that they bothered to type something though we don't really exist in each others' lives?

Should I even think much of it?

-

I shall end this here.

It's been a pretty quiet year as I spent it alone at home with things to do but I don't have to say anything about it :)

Europe was great and I'll be done with the photos soon!

I like how the window of the shop -where we bought delicious pizza from- looks like a frame. I stood there for maybe fifteen minutes, thoroughly amazed by how the reflection and the flowers in the shop merged so well together. Now spot me.

Venice was my dream destination

But really, Copenhagen was my favourite city.
(followed by the very beautiful Venice)

stay silent.

i don't care if you don't know who i am, what i can do. Just as long as i'm happy doing what i can do.

Hong Kong > Europe > Hong Kong > Singapore

I'll be back on 28th (don't think I'll abandon this though)

Must paint another disco ball at the end of the year.

One line still echoes in my mind, it's not all about you.

I remember not picking up the phone call, "for you" because I was more interested to know who was behind the curtains. Remember slightly hurtful words that slipped out, when I thought nobody could hear, sense of fear when I realised she'd know what I said about her. I observed her after the show, a smile on her face. Please do not listen to the recording, I thought. Will I be the one to prick someone's ego?

It's not all about you.

-

Little Part 1

I surrendered, completely, and welcomed (the new?). What of the new? Mild connection for brief moments, myself not picking them up well, words not coming to me. I want to listen even if you thought otherwise, from the way I responded. My words; for the far future.

But you say, presence of a person. I feel, physical presence but not the intangible for we were in our own worlds. I tell myself, that is a form of comfort as well. Felt comfort like how I'd feel comfort alone, there shouldn't be anything wrong with that. Is there? Count the time spent, quality comes with time if expectations can be dropped.

The purpose we serve to fill a certain kind of void in each other. That purpose I do not serve in days to come. Old toys be cast away when a child grows. About that I shall not worry for I have surrendered,

already. Or finally.

I catch on - the quest to find out about ( )
and then I buried philo.